


all the stars are coming out

by choomchoom



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e18 A Single Pale Rose, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 13:09:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14619237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choomchoom/pseuds/choomchoom
Summary: In the aftermath of A Single Pale Rose, everything falls apart.





	all the stars are coming out

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Never Quite Free by the Mountain Goats, which ought to be Pearl's anthem in this episode.

Pearl had expected to feel like a weight had fallen from her shoulders when Steven’s phone buzzed with his acknowledgement. She didn’t expect to feel quite this empty.

Steven’s blurted announcement as soon as he emerged threw everything into chaos. Garnet split up, and just like last time she’d done so involuntarily, it was Pearl’s fault. Sapphire left in anger, Ruby ranted at Steven, who tried to calm her down, before going off after her soulmate. Steven ran up to his room as soon as she was gone, and Pearl kept herself seated where she was—if Steven wanted to talk to her, he would. It hurt that he didn’t, but it was his choice. And it wasn’t as if Pearl was exactly in the mood for talking either.

That left Amethyst, who had been watching the whole implosion of their little family in uncharacteristic silence. She was still standing, leaning against the kitchen counter, hands clasped in front of her waist and eyes wide.

Pearl met her gaze, for lack of anything else to concentrate on. She had been thinking mostly of Steven when she’d decided to show him, barely even thinking it through after she’d figured out how. Steven, who had been so torn up about what he thought Rose had done, the responsibility that he had carried on his shoulders for months despite the fact that he hadn’t been alive for the event. Pearl hadn’t even thought about how Garnet and Amethyst would react. She had assumed, unconsciously, that Steven would be the one to break the news, and that he would find a gentle and sensitive way to do so, like he was so good at and Pearl was so awful at.

_Selfish of you, again, as always—_

But maybe she had a chance to remedy that now.

“I’m sorry I kept it from you,” Pearl said, her eyes not leaving Amethyst’s hurt ones. Even the little allusion to Rose’s secret had her hands twitching and a prickle in her mind, warning her that she was trying to disobey her Diamond’s order.

“It seems like it wasn’t your fault, P,” Amethyst said, and her voice was so sure, so full of compassion, that Pearl found her eyes starting to overflow with tears. It was ridiculous—she’d lived with the truth for millennia, what right did she have to be crying right now, when Amethyst was in the midst of grappling with it for the first time?

But… _it wasn’t your fault_. Those words hit at something deep inside of Pearl that she hadn’t known was crying out to her. It was guilt over a war fought on false pretenses, all the gems that had died because of it, all the pain she’d caused Steven—

But if Amethyst was right, she hadn’t done that. Of course she hadn’t done it on purpose. She hadn’t  had the power to do anything different. Because for all her talk, all she’d become and all she’d accomplished, she still wasn’t free. Her Diamond was gone, Rose was gone, maybe forever, and she still wasn’t free.

Amethyst walked over from the kitchen and settled next to Pearl on the couch, legs tucked away underneath her, making her look even smaller than usual. A second later she had Pearl in a tight hug, face pressing into Pearl’s shoulder with an intimacy that was somehow comforting and upsetting all at once.

Pearl returned the hug, winding her arms around Amethyst’s soft back, unable to make herself stop crying. Amethyst rubbed her back as she tried to get herself back under control.

“I’m sorry,” Pearl whispered, as soon as she’d calmed down enough to be capable of it.

“Not your fault,” Amethyst repeated, and Pearl shuddered, hard enough that she could tell Amethyst could feel it. The lump in her throat seemed to double in size, and she tried her best to breathe through it, hating how shaky and hitched her attempts were. Thankfully, Amethyst kept speaking.

“Sapphire’s mad that Rose lied, for all that time. I guess I’m a little mad about that too, but,” Amethyst shrugged, which was a little awkward in their intertwined position. “I wasn’t there for the war. I didn’t kill anyone or watch my friends die because of her. I’m madder about what she did to you.”

Pearl shuddered again, and Amethyst shut up, probably sensing that Pearl couldn’t take any more compassion right now. She already felt like everything terrible inside her was right at the surface, exposed for all to see. “I could have found a way to tell you,” Pearl whispered, one more admission that she had to get out while Amethyst was listening, while, for some reason, she still hadn’t pulled away.

“Maybe. But that wasn’t your responsibility. Rose should have told us. And she really shouldn’t have silenced you.”

Pearl clutched Amethyst a little tighter, and Amethyst returned the gesture. Sitting here like this was like a band-aid on a cracked gem—just a momentary solution that would no nothing to heal the actual wound. Steven was still upstairs, upset, and Ruby and Sapphire were off who knew where, for who knew how long. But with Amethyst’s unwavering acceptance, Pearl was starting to feel like she could get through it.


End file.
